How do you explain death to a toddler? In the course of one week Justin and I have had to explain the concept not once but twice to Avery and Emerson.  Last Sunday they attended the funeral of their Great Grandpa, Papa Mac.  The day before the funeral and after the funeral we gathered at my Grandma’s house; there were a lot of people and a lot of typical Jewish food, we told the girls we were there to celebrate the life of Papa Mac.  They understood that Papa Mac was not “at his own party” and he wasn’t coming back.  They knew he was in heaven, although I’m not certain that they understand that heaven is any different than going to the store. 

Five days after Papa Mac’s funeral, Justin’s mom Brenda passed away after a long and courageous battle with ALS.  And with that less than a week later, Justin and I again had to tell our girls that another one of their relatives, their Grandma Brenda had gone to heaven.  While death is certainly all around us and a normal part of the life cycle, the truth is it isn’t normal to have close family members pass away on a “regular” basis….and within 5 days made me feel like my girls were going to think, “okay, who is going to heaven next week Mommy?”

We explained that Grandma Brenda was in heaven.  They asked why, who drove her to heaven?  They asked when she was coming back.  We explained the concept of forever and that Grandma Brenda would be in heaven forever.   It’s odd but even at 3 years old, once we got down to Virginia Beach, neither Avery nor Emerson once asked where Grandma Brenda was.  They knew she was in heaven and wouldn’t be with us as we celebrated her life.  They knew that Grandma Brenda was now with Papa Mac in heaven forever….

Justin eulogized Brenda and did a great job.  Avery was his helper as she darted up the church stage to be center stage with Justin as soon as he made his way to the podium.  She definitely helped lighten the mood and helped Justin get through his eulogy.  As Justin said in his eulogy, when Brenda received the official ALS diagnosis in the summer of 2007, we all knew what that meant. The average life span from diagnosis of ALS is 3 – 5 years.  Brenda’s symptoms begin probably close to 2 years prior to her official diagnosis.  When Justin and I got engaged in spring of 2007 and were planning our wedding for the following year, we wondered if we were making a mistake by planning it for September 2008.  Was a year and a half to far away?  We decided to have an Engagement Party Labor Day Weekend of 2007 largely in part so that if Justin’ mom was not around for our wedding she would have participated in our wedding celebration in some capacity.  Well our wedding came and Brenda was there…she was in her wheelchair and she couldn’t eat any of our food, except maybe the mashed potatoes, but she was there and she was overjoyed to be there.  Justin and I never expected she would be around by the time we had kids…we waited  a few years before we had kids and it never crossed our minds once to rush into having kids just so Brenda could be around to see them.  So we were overjoyed when the time came to tell her about the news of her next TWO grandchildren….and we were overjoyed when she was not only still around to meet them, but that she was also able to make the trip (her last trip to Northern Virginia) to visit them in the hospital.  And could you imagine our thrill (and hers) when Christmas 2012, when the girls were just over 1 years old, that we told her that Avery and Emerson were going to be big sisters.  Since the girls were born, Brenda was not able to travel as she has been confined to a hospital bed in the house for pretty much the last three years with time in her wheelchair occasionally.  We were able to make the trip to Virginia Beach a few times a year and she loved seeing her granddaughters.  And with modern technology FaceTime allowed her to see the girls on a regular basis….at least every other night since the girls were born. We were told by many of people at her funeral that Brenda loved to show off pictures of Avery, Emerson, and Harper on her IPAD.  She would just scroll through the pictures and show everyone who came to visit. 

So right now, the fact that Brenda is gone seems surreal…we knew this day would be coming and for years thought this day would be sometime that year and each year she would amaze us and be around for the next….we said several good byes and it got to the point where truly we didn’t know when this day would actually come.  It came….and it was peaceful in a way….it’s still hard to believe that we won’t be Face Timing with her tonight or tomorrow or ever again.  But she is with is…she is with us in spirit and she is running around smiling and talking and laughing and watching over us…ALL those things that she hasn’t been able to do in her body since her ALS diagnosis.  I feel sad that the girls will grow up without her – she would have spoiled them like no other especially with her shopping habits.  There are going to be times, I’m sure many of times, where we will feel her void but I can only hope that we will feel her presence at the same time.

Brenda, even though you never complained of your condition or your diagnosis, we know you were in pain…you are pain free now and for that I am grateful….you can now do all those things that you have dreamed about doing the last 8 years….Rest in Peace Grandma Brenda.

Meeting Grandma Brenda for the first time!

It sure was a special day!