My grandma Audrey passed away Thursday. A few days shy of her 89th birthday, one could arguably say that death should not come as a surprise, but to some extent it was a surprise…I knew my time with her was limited and each time we saw her, I made sure to get a picture as I wanted to capture each visit as if it may be the last. And while I knew she was in failing health, she was healthy for being in poor health if that makes any sense at all. Even as Russell said, she seemed to always bounce back. While I certainly hadn’t contemplated it in great detail, I really just thought I would have a chance to say my “final” goodbyes to her. We had been planning on visiting her this weekend to celebrate her birthday. When I spoke to her on Saturday evening, I could tell she was in a lot of pain as she told me every bone in her body hurt when I asked and she cut our conversation short as she was having difficulty talking. By Monday night, she was in the hospital. Tuesday was when I found out she was in the hospital and from my dad’s voice, I could tell that this time was different than all the other times she had been in the hospital. She normally didn’t like us to visit her in the hospital as I don’t think she wanted us to “waste” a visit when she wouldn’t enjoy it. But I knew we were still going to go up this weekend, as I had a feeling that this weekend was going to be out last time seeing her. As it turns out it was….I did see her for one last time….in her casket…certaintly not what I had been anticipating even a few days earlier. Thursday morning I got the call from my parents that she wasn’t going to make it through the night. Within an hour, I received another call that she had passed on. It’s just weird…she was around for so long, for 36 years of my life, that it just seemed as though she would always be around.
Anyway, yesterday was the celebration of her life and I here is the eulogy that I shared. I am so proud of what I wrote…
Audrey Lee Friedman, January 31, 1927 – January 28, 2016
Life…I’ve been contemplating it a lot lately. Everyone knows the saying “Life is short”. We hear it all the time, but it is so true. Just earlier this week, I began a project of organizing old photographs of Grandmas. The process is slow as I find myself just staring at these black and white photos of a young simply glamorous Audrey whose smile is beaming right back at me. As I go through the pictures, I am discovering all stages of her life, from her as a young kid, to that as a young adult, then of a happily married newlywed, then a radiant young mom, then a more established mom of two growing teenage boys, then a few years later a doting grandma and in more recent years a very proud great grandma. There is something that is just so powerful staring at these pictures of my grandmothers late youth and early adulthood. Perhaps it was the carefree spirit from that smile and the way she held that cigarette…but looking at that picture I see a beautiful woman with her whole life ahead of her.
As I look through these pictures, it is evident that she had a good life, a great life. Audrey and Mac were so proud of the family they created. While I would often joke with my dad, that it was crazy that he grew up in a one bedroom apartment where the access to his bedroom that he shared with his brother Russell was through Audrey and Mac’s bedroom, the truth is Audrey and Mac provided for their family. And provided for them in a way that allowed them to spend summers at the bungalow and send both my dad and my uncle off to College at The University of Maryland. My dad and Russell created great lives for themselves because of the foundation that my grandparents made for them. The last few years my grandma would often tear up at family gatherings or birthday celebrations and although they were happy tears, I could never understand why. I get it now…while they were indeed happy tears, she was reflecting on her life….while it was great and wonderful, all those decades happened in a blink of an eye. That beautiful young woman who I see in the pictures is the same woman who had been in her heart all these years. A true reminder that “Life is short”
I will certainly miss you as I know we all will, but now you can be with Papa. You’ll also be reunited with your parents. Your mom, Fritzi, my great grandma, who I was fortunate to know and you had a very special relationship…you two beauties who looked more like sisters than mother and daughter are together again. I will miss talking to you on the phone. And I know you will miss hearing the girl’s (your great granddaughter’s) voices –knowing what they were up to brought you so much joy. When I told you I was pregnant, one of the first things you told me was that you wanted to be called “Gigi”. Obviously, you had been looking forward to that moment because clearly you had already given this some thought.
The girls loved their Gigi and would often talk about her….they loved going to visit her and staying in the “hotelo” as they would call it. Gigi adored the girls and was always buying them gifts, something that I thought wasn’t necessary, but a memory that my girls will always have of their Gigi. Gigi loved talking to them and loved it even more when she got to see them in person. She would talk to them and her face would just light up as she was so intrigued in hearing what they had to say.
I was your first born grandkid, a fact that neither you nor Papa made it hard to forget. You were such a proud grandparent. Growing up, you would come visit….in the early years it was when we were living in the Rotunda and the story of how you were able to pick me out of the hospital nursery because of my full head of dark hair (a trait I inherited from my dad, your son Jeffrey) never got old. Nor did the story of you and Papa visiting me at the Rotunda and me running down the hallway to greet you. As a young kid, once my own memories started to form, I remembered the visits. You and Papa would visit several times a year at least, always to and from your winters spent in Florida, and we would go to visit you and Papa. Until I was 10, we would visit you in the apartment that my dad and Russell grew up in and to this day I am still amazed that the four of you lived in such tight quarters. But again from looking at pictures recently and seeing how many people you managed to fit around your kitchen table, this was simply your norm. I remember the bridges and the tunnels on the car rides to and from our Brooklyn visits. When I was 10, our New York visits turned into Concordia visits. You and Papa were so proud of your home and for the next 25 years (hard to believe it was that long), Concordia was your home, the place where you made many new friendships over the years, kept in touch with many old friends over the phone, and took great care of Papa in his last ten years. In between our visits, we spoke weekly on the phone and every conversation ended with the both of us saying “I love you.” I too just like my girls have nothing but happy memories of you being a part of my childhood….and yes, just like my girls…I too associate gifts and food with each of our visits. But more than gifts and food, you constantly told me how proud you were of the beautiful young woman that I had become and the family that Justin and I had created.
Here we are on January 31, celebrating your life. There are 365 days in the year and yet today is your birthday. Is it a coincidence? I don’t think so. This celebration of life has truly come full circle. And while life is short indeed, let this be a reminder that we shall live life to its fullest each and every day….Audrey wouldn’t want us to dwell for too long…just as Audrey used to say in each card she signed and each message she left, “many more happy and healthy”!